Whenever I end up talking about the subject of sexual purity and the importance of remaining sexually pure in a dating relationship, I inevitably end up getting asked a series of very legitimate follow-up questions about sexual impurity in the past. Anxiety can flood someone’s heart when they hear what I share, and thoughts somewhere along the lines of, well, that’s great for people who haven’t screwed up their past yet, but what about me?, end up rising to the surface.
Questions like this are valid. If we neglect these kinds of issues and pretend that nobody has ever messed up in the past, we are being obtuse and ignoring a large section of the population who longs for answers and the kind of grace that is lavishly poured out on each of us in the truth of the gospel.
Perhaps you have come to know Christ just recently, and you have a sexual history with every person you’ve ever dated. Or maybe you’ve been a Christian for quite some time, but you were still looking for acceptance and love from a boyfriend or girlfriend in your past, and that led you to some sexual places you are now ashamed of. Or, perhaps, this whole concept of sexual purity is brand new to you and the idea of not being sexually intimate with your boyfriend or girlfriend is completely foreign because that’s the way you’ve always been; no one has ever told you anything different. There could be countless reasons for anyone to say, “Well, all that stuff about staying pure is good, and I want to do that from this day forward, but I’ll never be able to change my imperfect past.”
Maybe you are like Marion Jordan Ellis, who in describing her single years said, “As my partying [lifestyle] accelerated, the fuel light on my soul began to blink a bright orange. Feeling like I was running on empty, and desperate to fill the tank, I cranked up the intake of boys and booze.”1
So, what about those people? Honestly, I’d imagine many of you who are reading this are one of “those people,” so first let me say something that I hope will stick with you regardless of what your past may hold: Jesus offers healing.
If we are in Christ, the Bible says we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Things that used to be true of us in our history are dead and we are made new and perfect because of Jesus’ redeeming work on the cross. In Christ alone is forgiveness, restoration, newness of life, and healing of our past failures. Even if you’ve messed up in the past after you became a Christian, you are still wholly accepted and made new by the sacrificial blood offering that Jesus made for you when He hung from the tree. You can take comfort and rest in the fact that when God sees you, He does not see your past sexual compromises, but your newness in His Son and the blood that covers your life for all eternity. You are clean in His eyes!
And because when it comes down to it, it is only God’s opinion that truly counts, we can move forward in our lives with confidence that the shortcomings of our past in the sexual area do not define us. If we are in Christ, we are all spiritual virgins and the truth of our purity is again a testament to the goodness of God and how glorious He is. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: Isn’t He great? See, it’s not about how great we are or how great we can be from here on out. It’s about how amazing He is because of His grace, His love, His sacrifice, and His perfection. If you are a virgin and have never compromised in that area before, praise God for His graciousness in your life! If you have stumbled and crossed the line sexually many times in your past, praise God that He has forgiven you and offers His gracious healing in your life! Either way, God is good and gets the glory.
It’s all about Him.
If you have a past you are not proud of, rejoice in the fact that God has restored you to the new creation you now are. This is your identity, so rest in it and don’t believe the lie that you won’t be able to climb out of the pit of despair that is a sexually immoral history. Christ’s sacrificial blood that buys your forgiveness is bigger than your sordid past.
The children’s song that you more than likely know by heart, says it well:
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak, but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves you. Yes, He does. Soak it in and live like you believe it because the Bible tells you so.
1 – Marion Jordan Ellis, Sex and the City Uncovered: Exposing the Emptiness and Healing the Hurt, B&H Publishing Group, 2010.
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