The Christian life is always meant to be experienced in the context of community and fellowship with other believers. When we begin to separate ourselves or break away from the pack, so to speak, a number of bad consequences start to creep into our lives. The Christian’s three enemies: the world, the sinful nature or “flesh,” and the Devil, can easily gain a foothold and influence our decision making in a negative way. However, if we proactively involve other caring believers in our lives, they are often able to spot areas where we might be prone to compromise and succumb to temptation.
For dating couples, the urge to isolate frequently rises up and it can be tempting to cut other people out. “My dating life is nobody else’s business,” someone might say, or “We just want to be left alone because we don’t get enough time with just the two of us.”
As true as both of these statements might be (depending on your specific dating relationship), it’s never a good idea to pursue seclusion when you’re dating someone. Removing other important friends or family members from your romantic endeavors propagates compromise in sexual purity, a lack of accountability, unhealthy obsession with the person you’re dating, waining interest in the world beyond your boyfriend/girlfriend, diminishing healthy communication with others, and a ton of other bad stuff.
We’ve all seen it before, I’m sure. Guy gets girlfriend, guy disappears to hang out with only his girlfriend, friends of guy get mad because guy disappeared, guy gets broken up with, guy wonders where all his friends are to help him through his rough time after the breakup, friends say, “You were the one that left, not us.”
Or maybe you haven’t seen something like that before, but you at least know what I’m talking about, right? I can personally think of a few examples of couples that started dating and spent every waking moment with one another, only to leave the friends who loved them in the dust. The relationships ended between the couples, and it was like they had to come crawling back to their friends to ask forgiveness for abandoning them. If saying yes to a dating relationship means saying no to your friends and family, you should probably reconsider the kind of dating relationship you’re currently in.
I would have felt horrible if my wife stopped regularly engaging with her friends because she was dating me. When we were dating, in no way did I want to rob her of those precious friendships she enjoyed just because I was her boyfriend. Sure, we wanted to spend a lot of time together when we were dating, but like any other thing in our lives, we needed healthy boundaries. Besides, I always told her that one of the things I liked about her the most was the loyalty she had to her friends. If I changed all that when I entered the scene, I would be changing who she was as a person, and that would’ve been tragic.
You need godly people in your life to give you balance and perspective. You need input from friends and family who are wiser than you. You need to be willing to set an example for young believers around you who crave guidance on how a godly relationship should be done. You need people in your life! And if you want your relationship to experience health on every level, you cannot date in a vacuum, devoid of others.
I’m not saying that your dating relationship is, in fact, everyone else’s business to the point that too many people are giving you unsolicited advice on every tiny detail of your life. That would be extreme, to say the least. I’m saying that you should involve the people you trust the most. People who know you and make godly contributions to your life. People like your parents, your best friend, the person who disciples you, your roommate, your pastor, and your siblings. The kind of folks who will ask you the tough questions about maintaining physical boundaries, and the spiritual health of your relationship.
Men should be asked if they are leading their girlfriend toward Jesus, and serving her sacrificially. Women should be asked if they are pointing their boyfriend toward Christ, and encouraging him to be in love with his Savior. Without these kinds of questions, motivations start to slip, guards come down, and the hypnotizing lure of sin can quickly creep in and ruin a godly dating relationship.
A couple in isolation is a couple in danger, so surround yourselves with godly men and women who care about you and care about Jesus. If you do, you’ll be laying the right kind of building blocks that shape a foundation, bringing honor to the Lord.
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