In light of how the digital age has influenced relationships and communication in the modern era, it has essentially transformed the way people break up as well. In light of that, allow me to give you my opinion on this: breaking up via a text message is cowardly.
This is not middle school, people. Important communication needs to happen face-to-face. Do not begin a relationship with a digital barrier between the two of you, and likewise, don’t end a relationship with a digital barrier between the two of you. Is it easier to send an email, text, or social media message, telling the other person that you want to break up? Of course it’s easier! No guy wants to see mascara mixed with tears streaming down a girl’s face, knowing he’s the one who made it happen. No girl wants to see a man reduced to a sobbing mess with his hands cupped over his face, knowing she’s the reason he’s crying for only the third time in his adult life. Looking at someone when you break up with them sucks…but it’s the adult thing to do.
You’ve got to have the guts to look someone in the eyes and tell them the truth that you aren’t going to be dating anymore. Don’t hide behind your computer or phone as a safe conduit for your lack of ambitious communication. Hard times are inevitable, and when you constantly avoid them via digital devices, you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity to grow into a healthier person, able to handle the inevitable complications that come with being an adult.
The culture we live in constantly tempts us to extend our adolescence by dangling more immediately comfortable options in our faces, but when we routinely choose comfort, we sacrifice character. Success without character can lead to dangerous and destructive places, which is why many people who experience success early in life end up falling apart when reality eventually smacks them in the face. It’s not hard to think of a few famous people who had the limelight forced on them early in their career, and later tanked when they hit a few bumps in the road. Difficulty strengthens integrity. A muscle must be broken down before it builds up—this is the way life works.
Breaking up with someone through a text message will not make things easier. In reality, it will make you weaker. It compromises your moral fiber, and it dishonors God. If you’re a Christian, you are Christ’s ambassador (2 Corinthians 5:20), and you represent Him to every other person you come in contact with, including the person you’ve decided not to date anymore.
I’ve been broken up with. Multiple times, in fact. And although none of those instances were much fun, they were a necessary part of my story that led me to where I am today. Of course I was really sad when those moments happened, but like (nearly) every other person who’s been broken up with, I got over it.
I moved on, and God directed me toward my wife, Rachael. Since I’ve been with her, I’ve never once thought, “Man, I wish I were still dating that other girl.” That would be crazy. But I’ll tell you what—I have often wished that those girls who broke up with me would have ripped the metaphorical Band-Aid off more quickly and more truthfully.
If you’re the one doing the dumping, please walk strongly with Jesus and in the power of His Spirit. Be kind and caring and do the deed right. And if you’re on the receiving end of the dump (pun intended), please walk strongly with Jesus and in the power of His Spirit when it happens. Take it better than I did.
Experiencing the pain of a breakup is an opportunity to embrace difficult circumstances in which our will, our plan, and our desires are subverted for a better plan—God’s. Hearing “no” to our dreams for a certain relationship can sometimes prompt anger and even rebellion, but if we humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand when the rug gets pulled out from under our feet, we grow in obedience and humility, like Abraham sacrificing Isaac.
In Genesis 22, Abraham was asked by God to give up his only son as a sacrifice to the Lord. Abraham was willing and obedient to God, to the point of lifting the knife above his son’s body, believing God would supply another sacrifice. God stopped Abraham in the process, and provided a ram for him to sacrifice instead of his son. The point is that Abraham was faithful the entire time, and willing to give up something extremely precious to him because God asked him to. No doubt, Abraham was scared, confused, and grieved that God was taking away his only son, but he trusted his Creator. He believed that through it all, God knew best.
Leaning in and learning to handle hard situations in a mature way is formative. Much spiritual immaturity can be traced back to an unwillingness to view by faith the things that God allows and does not allow in our lives. It’s important to be okay with God when He’s not cooperating with our plans. It takes practice to humbly accept the answer “no” and to understand that this answer (though we may not want to hear it) is rooted in God’s deep love and providence for our lives.
Though you may not fully understand why things are happening the way they are, Jesus still rules over every detail.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.