We’ve all seen it before, I’m sure. Guy gets girlfriend, guy disappears to hang out with only his girlfriend, friends of guy get mad because guy disappeared, guy gets broken up with, guy wonders where all his friends are to help him through his rough time after the breakup, friends say, “You were the one who left, not us.” Or maybe his friends are nicer than that and they welcome him back into the fold. But you get my point.
There are far too many Christians who fall into the trap of believing that the boyfriend or girlfriend they have been blessed with is now the god they worship. Now, you might read that and think I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’ve seen this scenario played out over and over again with college students. That’s why part 3 of my blog series on The 5 Things a Christian College Student Should Never Do is simply this:
3. Allow your boyfriend or girlfriend to become your god.
It goes without saying (at least for me) that if you’re dating someone, you should treat them well. You should communicate clearly with them, pray for them, encourage them, and respect them (for more advice on this, I wrote a book about dating you can check out). But in light of all that, a godly boyfriend or girlfriend should not become a God-replacement.
Idol worship is simply this: putting something or someone on the throne where only God is meant to sit. In other words, when God gets replaced by anyone or anything in your life as the top priority, you are worshipping it. And even though a Christlike dating partner might be a tremendous blessing in your life, that good thing was never meant to be the ultimate thing.
There is a fine line between caring well for a girlfriend/boyfriend, and letting that person become your obsession. Most of the time, an obsession with another person doesn’t happen overnight, but gradually over time. I’ve seen girls get cheated on, treated like garbage, and even verbally abused by the men in their lives who claim to love them, and then watched in dumbfounded confusion as they refuse to break up with said guy because of an obsession. Likewise, I’ve seen guys stay with women who treat them poorly, constantly disrespect them, and verbally mock them while the guy hangs on to the relationship because he thinks he won’t ever be able to love someone else.
There are plenty of abusive relationships out there, and many of them are still going strong because one or both of the parties involved have chosen to allow their boyfriend/girlfriend become their god.
College can be an interesting time of self-discovery and ample decision-making, yet I’ve seen a lot of students allow their insecurities and desire to be romantically loved by another human being trump their relationship with God. Often when this happens, I see a guy or girl deeply long for the affection of their dating partner so much that they neglect many aspects of their own character and personality in order to receive acceptance by that partner. This usually means cutting off friendships with others to spend abundant amounts of time with their boyfriend/girlfriend, valuing the opinion or approval of their boyfriend/girlfriend more than anything else, compromise in the area of sexual purity, and allowing their emotional quotient to go up and down in tandem with the person they are dating.
If someone kicks God out of His rightful place of prominence in their life, a person can lose themselves in their dating partner. And while that might seem romantic to be “lost in love,” trust me, you do NOT want to place your identity or fundamental sense of significance in the hands of another sinful human being…no matter how funny, smart, good-looking, or great they might be. That spot in your heart is shaped in the outline of your Creator, and no one else can fill it. Humans are in the business of failure, and business is good.
As the hymn says, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.” He alone is who we cling to in times of relationship sadness, heartache, loneliness, hurt, and confusion. He is what we stand on in times of jubilation, zeal, comfort, and exhilaration. We need Jesus when things are horrible, and we need Jesus when things are wonderful. No one will ever love you the way He does, and if you believe that to be false, prepare for excruciating disappointment.
It’s important to strike a healthy balance between spending quality time with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and the other important elements of your life. Sure, when you start dating someone, you undoubtedly want to make room for them in your day-to-day, but be careful not to lose your common sense in the process. When your romantic life has pushed God out of His rightful place as top priority, warning bells should go off…and if they don’t because you’re blinded by the romance, listen to your godly friends when they talk to you about the lack of health in your dating relationship.
Our blindspots are, by nature, blind. You need godly friends and family to come around you and instruct you in the paths you should be walking. You need godly people in your life to give you balance and perspective. You need input from friends and family who are wiser than you. You need to be willing to set an example for young believers around you who crave guidance on how a godly relationship should be done. You need people in your life! And if you want your relationship to experience health on every level, you cannot date in a vacuum, devoid of others.
I’m not saying that your dating relationship is, in fact, everyone else’s business to the point that too many people are giving you unsolicited advice on every tiny detail of your life. That would be extreme, to say the least. I’m saying that you should involve the people you trust the most. People who know you and make godly contributions to your life. People like your parents, your best friend, the person who disciples you, your roommate, your pastor, and your siblings. The kind of folks who will ask you the tough questions about the spiritual health of your relationship, and whether or not you’re making that relationship into an idol.
Without these kinds of questions, motivations start to slip, guards come down, and the hypnotizing lure of sin can quickly creep in and ruin a godly dating relationship.
A couple in isolation is a couple in danger, so surround yourselves with godly men and women who care about you and care about Jesus. If you do, you’ll be laying the right kind of building blocks that shape a foundation. You’ll be worshipping appropriately, giving glory not to a boyfriend or girlfriend, but to Christ—the only One worthy of our worship.
You can find the other parts of The 5 Things a Christian College Student Should Never Do here:
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.