A lot of people talk about what they think dating should be like in order to give definition to it. I like to talk about that when I’m able, but let me take a different approach for a moment…here’s what I think dating should not look like. As Christians, we allow culture to define who we are and how we behave in our everyday lives way too often. This is especially true when it comes to the practice of relating with the opposite sex. What is widely accepted as standard or “normal” in the dating world at large, sadly becomes the standard for Christians as well.
According to a recent NY Times article1, many young singles are now in the practice of living inside a “dating culture [that] has evolved into a cycle of text messages.” Because we live and breathe and hide behind our phones, the non-committal “whatever” attitude in culture has downgraded this opportunity for encouragement into something referred to as, “one step below dating and one step above high-fiving.”
The article goes on to say, “Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called ‘hookup culture,’ [young people] — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship. Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, and other ‘non-dates’ that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend.”
This is from the New York Times, but as I stand back and observe what’s going on inside the Christian culture, I’m quickly realizing that we’re simply playing copy-cat. For Christians, the new idea behind dating is just “hanging out:” a safe, comfortable, and to be honest, lazy way to approach the dating scene. It reinforces an already existing improper urge to extend adolescence beyond what it should be.
“Whatever. We’re not dating. She’s not my girlfriend or anything…we’re just hanging out. Why should I have to label it?”
“Boyfriend? No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a guy I hang out with all the time…he’s like a really good friend that happens to be a guy, but we’re not a couple or anything.”
These are childish, vague words and phrases spoken by immature people who would rather give more commitment to a video game or cell phone than a sister or brother in Christ who deserves to be treated with enough respect to be communicated with appropriately.
Simply put, “hanging out” is not dating. Even if two people are hanging out every night of every week. Dating should not be casual or ambiguous or “whatever.” It should be intentional, communicative, and approached with initiative. If someone asks you what is going on with the guy or girl you’ve been hanging out with on a regular basis, you should be able to give clear definition to it, and never once have to shrug your shoulders. The world is telling you to hide behind a text message because it’s easier that way, and you won’t have to put your heart out there and get hurt, but that’s just a silly way to protect yourself from being rejected, and it’s not really honoring to God.
1— Alex Williams, The End of Courtship?,(http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?pagewanted=all&_r=5&), nytimes.com.
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