Christians have this habit of letting God take the blame for their dirty work when it comes to the end of dating relationships. Many Christian women and men have been on the receiving end of the phrase, “I just don’t feel called to you anymore,” or “I don’t think God is calling us to be together.” Myself included.
In my mid-twenties, I was dating a girl who essentially said this to me, nailing the proverbial coffin closed on our relationship, and I couldn’t help but think to myself after she said it, “But I feel that God is still calling us to be together…so who’s not hearing from God correctly?” Apparently it was me, because we weren’t dating anymore after that conversation.
And as sincere as I believe she was when she broke up with me, it kind of made me mad that she used The Creator as a scapegoat for what she actually wanted. There were many times in the weeks following our breakup when I wished she would have just told me what she felt straight-up, “I don’t like you anymore, and I think we should break up.” I know that probably would’ve stung more, but at least I’d have definitive closure without wondering why each of us was “hearing something” completely different from God.
As much as we want to spiritualize a breakup, the truth is that God has given us natural sensibilities, feelings, and desires for certain relationships, and when they come to an end (for whatever reason), we need to take responsibility, instead of pointing the finger at God and saying, “Uh…He did it!”
Sure, when we know that it’s time for a dating relationship to come to an end, we want to do everything we can to try and help the broken-up-with person feel like they haven’t been mercilessly beaten down. We’ve been in a romantic relationship with that person, and to some degree, we still care very much about their feelings. But there is a difference between gently communicating the way you’re feeling about the relationship’s inevitable conclusion, and incriminating God for the fact that they’re being dumped.
Maybe you are feeling that the Lord is leading you away from your boyfriend or girlfriend, but remember, communication is an art that must be crafted carefully in all circumstances. You don’t want to come across as condescending, making your ex feel like they’re a fragile child who needs to be pandered to. God may, in fact, be leading you in a different direction, but is that really something your ex needs to hear at this exact moment? Theology lessons in times of extreme emotion often don’t fall well on sad or hurt hearts.
I hope you would never walk up to a widow at the funeral of her late husband and say, “You should cheer up because Romans 8:28 says ‘…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’” Why? Because even though it’s true (after all, it is Scripture), it can be insensitive when used at an inappropriate time.
When you pull God into the middle of your breakup, even though your intentions are based on compassion for the other person, it can do more harm than good. Don’t try to cushion the blow by adding a layer of Jesus to your relationship’s demise. Take responsibility for your feelings and communicate them with maturity in a way that respects the time you’ve shared with that person. As your brother or sister in Christ, they deserve your forthright consideration of their feelings.
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