I wrote something just for the guys, so I figured the women needed a turn too. This is it. Proceed with caution, however, you may not like what you read here. Just know where my heart is as I say what I say—I want followers of Christ to bring glory to Jesus’ name in every way possible.
Recently I was driving to work, listening to a secular radio program, and the DJs were talking about the role social media plays in what they called “hook-ups and break-ups.” One of the interns there at the radio station had just been broken up with, so the DJs on the program were grilling her with questions about how it happened. They also wanted to know what kinds of things she did online after the break up occurred.
The newly single girl said she immediately went to social media and stalked him. She found a message he had posted, saying he was listening to a certain album all day after their breakup. She proceeded to look up the album and go through all the lyrics to every single song, line by line. Eventually, she found a song with references to heartbreak. What she wanted to know was whether the other DJs thought it meant something. Was he as heartbroken as she was? Everyone on the radio program agreed that it probably meant something, and the ex-boyfriend was mourning the breakup just as much as she was.
But as I listened, I thought to myself, Uh, no it doesn’t. They have no idea what it meant. The post that ex-boyfriend made could have meant something totally different, or even nothing at all other than the fact that he liked a particular album. But of course my opinion didn’t matter. Everyone in the studio was certain it meant something. I’m sure the group consensus made the broken-up-with girl feel better, but the whole conversation was telling.
Let’s start with this, ladies: there is tremendous danger in ascribing specific meaning to online posts when you don’t know for sure what the intentions were of the one who posted. It can be very easy to travel down a certain mental road when you read something that’s been typed by a guy; however, jumping to conclusions on relational things that are vague can create anxiety in your heart and keep you focused on the wrong things for a very long time. There is an extreme amount of ambiguity in social media. People post and write things online all the time that could be intended in one way, but interpreted in another. Certain things, like sarcasm, for example, are easy to misunderstand.
I have known quiet and reserved people who, for whatever reason, come across as loud and even obnoxious online. Just because someone TYPES EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS WITH SEVEN EXCLAMATION POINTS AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE DOESN’T MEAN THEY ARE A BOISTEROUS PERSON IN REAL LIFE!!!!!!! LOL!!
Assuming a guy means something when he doesn’t state it explicitly is an incorrect assumption and could end up hurting you. Be careful how you interpret.
Second, constantly posting selfies probably doesn’t yield the results you might be looking for. Let me explain. When a woman is in the habit of posting selfies on a regular basis, in a variety of poses, my first thought as a guy isn’t, Wow, she really has a lot of confidence in herself and I’m glad she’s sharing what she looks like today because it’s totally different from yesterday! No, I’m actually thinking something along the lines of, she must crave attention, she seems insecure.
I know, I know. We’re all our own biggest fans. Former NFL player/personality Terrell Owens was once quoted as saying, “I love me some me.” And though many scoffed at his statement when it was made, we’re all exactly the same. We love ourselves so much that it’s natural to put ourselves on display when we can. It makes sense that we want to post pictures of ourselves online, especially when we like the shots we’ve taken. They make us look good. However, when you post picture after picture of yourself, it can start to look narcissistic instead of cute. And if any of those photos you post happen to capture a plunging neckline or cleavage, people will be gawking at your pictures for all the wrong reasons. Shots like that usually garner eye rolls, and spark the attention of the wrong kind of guy with a wrong set of motivations.
Proverbs 11:22 talks about this in a humorous way:
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
As Christians, our lives are to be a reflection of Jesus Christ. Are we going to mess up? Yes, of course. But we have to remember that when we post things online, it is an intentional statement and not easily erasable. Once it’s out there, it’s out there, and there is no taking it back. Seriously consider what you post before you post it, and if there’s even the smallest twinge of doubt, don’t do it. Godly men love it when godly women make godly choices (and vice versa).
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.