Marriage Is Not The Solution

In her book, Sex and the Single Christian Girl: Fighting for Purity in a Rom-Com World, Marion Jordan Ellis says, “A wedding ring does not make a woman immune to spiritual darkness.” And although we might read a quote like this and nod along with enthusiastic agreement, we still secretly think that marriage is the solution for the “purity problem.”

Yes, the Bible is clear on issues of lust and the need to resist it. It even goes as far to say: But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9)

But this is a calling for a specific problem. I’ve never said to a guy, “You struggled with internet pornography last night? You need to get married today to solve that problem!” 1 Corinthians 7 is addressing a pattern in someone’s life, not individualized solutions for broad-based sin.

Marion Jordan Ellis brings to light something that is worth exploring. She addresses the underlying belief that taking marriage vows erases the sinful root of lust and impurity within someone’s heart. It doesn’t, and the quicker you realize this the better. When someone puts on a wedding ring, they don’t immediately become bulletproof to the sin of lust and sexual impurity. Sure, there is an outlet within the marriage relationship, but if the seed of contamination still remains, so will the eventual sprouting of sin from the seed. Once again, we discover that behavior modification is not the key to the Christian life. The gospel is.

But when it is communicated to single people (either intentionally or unintentionally) that marriage will provide the solution to the purity problem, we are pointing not to the gospel as the remedy, but to behavior modification.

“Ooo, if you could just hold out until you get married, then you’ll finally be able to have sex and you won’t struggle with impurity anymore!” How does a statement like this align with the Biblical perspective regarding sin? In essence, what this statement is saying is, “just stop it” until you are allowed to “go ahead.” It gives singles the false expectation that their hope should rest in marriage.

But our hope for purity (or anything that is glorifying) is not in marriage—our hope is in heaven. The finish line isn’t the night after you say your wedding vows; the finish line is when you meet Jesus face-to-face and you no longer need to wrestle with any kind of sinful desires, failures, or impurities.

This perspective is imperative as we address issues of sexual impurity, because communicating that the marriage bed will make everything all better is simply devastating for men and women who struggle with sexual sin. And that’s pretty much everyone. If we want to have any kind of godly presence or witness as believers in Christ, we cannot say stuff like, “just stop it.” This is simply unhelpful.

Opening ears and hearts to Jesus in our culture comes with communicating the truth of the Bible with our words and our lives. And the truth is that we are all sexual rebels needing to be clothed in the unflinching fidelity of Christ. No one has ever gone to heaven for being a virgin, so we must stop communicating the false idea that acting a certain way will get someone right with God. It won’t—only Jesus will.