In the coming days, I’m going to deliver a five-part blog series I’ve entitled The 5 Things a Christian College Student Should Never Do. Now, I’m not referring specifically to college students who attend Christian universities (although, I’m not excluding them from this series), but college students in general who follow Christ, regardless of where they are enrolled.
I spent four years getting my degree from Virginia Tech, and this is really a series of blog posts written to myself…or maybe more accurately, what I wish someone would’ve succinctly communicated to me after I became a Christian during the second semester of my freshman year. No, I didn’t make all of the mistakes I mention in this series when I was a student, but if I didn’t, I saw a lot of my friends make them while they were in college, and it would have been nice to know how to give some quality advice to those friends while we all traveled the bumpy decision-making road that is college life together.
All-in-all, my hope is that these five posts will not condemn, but gently correct. I’ve been in college ministry now for over seventeen years, and the fallout a believer can experience as a university student because of bad choices can create shockwaves for years to come. If you will allow me to be your older guide, you’ll see that I’ve journeyed this road before you and I can point out some potentially damaging hazards to avoid. So as we dive into our first point, know that I care about your well-being as I potentially shake up the scenery of your life. Here we go…
The 5 Things a Christian College Student Should Never Do
1. Date a non-Christian.
There is tremendous wisdom in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that says, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
When read in context, this verse is actually making some intentional contrasts between believers and non-believers for the purpose of illustrating the subjects of idolatry, holiness, and premeditated connection with another person. Since it isn’t directly addressing romantic relationships, it might be easy to dismiss this piece of Scripture and ignore the principles it intends to teach, but this would be a mistake. When you sit down and contemplate the nature of what a marriage relationship is and the fact that it’s a life-long covenant commitment that can essentially become the main focus of your world, there are quite a few similarities to passages that address idolatry, holiness, and an intimate connection with another person! If the precursor to marriage is dating, it shouldn’t take much thought to connect the dots and realize that 2 Corinthians 6:14 is very applicable to any Christian’s dating life.
What, exactly, is the verse saying? The verse refers specifically to this thing called a yoke. A yoke is a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals (in biblical times, those animals were typically oxen) and attached to a plow or cart that they are to pull. In farming terms, if one ox was stronger or larger than the other, the plow would till the ground improperly because the strength of the two animals would be off-kilter and take the cart/plow in a skewed direction. It was of great importance that both oxen be equally yoked so that the farmer could maximize his work. Do you see the connection here to dating a non-Christian?
If Jesus is number one in your life (and He should be), why would you want to “fasten” or “yoke” yourself to someone who doesn’t understand this? And as I’ve just said, you marry someone whom you’ve dated, so why would you want to date someone who has nothing in common with you spiritually? If you are unequally yoked in your dating relationship, the cart of your life will be off-kilter and take you in a bunch of hurtful, skewed directions that lead to heartbreak.
The idea here is to have enough patience not to settle for someone who doesn’t know Jesus, have a relationship with Him, or claim His lordship in their life. Yes, I know—pretty girls can be really nice…and pretty. But if that good-looking face doesn’t encourage you to walk closer with Jesus or challenge you to be a Spirit-filled man of God when life gets difficult, you’ve yoked yourself unequally.
And yes, I know—sensitive men who listen to you when you talk, and lavish you with the affection you crave and deserve can be so wonderfully refreshing…especially if they’re good looking. But if that cute, attentive-to-your-needs guy doesn’t lead you spiritually or point you more toward your First Love, you’ve fastened yourself to someone who’s just not good enough for you. Plain and simple.
I have heard far too many stories of young Christian men and women who settle and yoke themselves unequally to others who don’t follow Christ, and the outcome is generally one of two scenarios. 1) They either end up continually frustrated with their partner who doesn’t ever seem to “come around” and decide to engage in a relationship with God, or 2) they end up walking away from their faith because their partner has spiritually dragged them down (this scenario is far more common).
In my opinion, both of these outcomes are bad, so why even start down that path in the first place by choosing to date a non-Christian? When the feelings-driven puppy love fades (and it always does), you need a man or woman of godly substance to be there for you when life gets hard. You need someone who will encourage you to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith (2 Timothy 4) in the midst of difficulties life will inevitably throw at you. I’m talking about big things like financial troubles, job loss, infertility, raising children, loss of a friend or family member, communication issues, sleep loss, chronic medical problems, etc., and day-to-day things like flat tires, where to go out for dinner, how to spend down time, installing car seats, how to vacuum the house, folding the laundry, who does the dishes, and what time to go to sleep.
In both the big things and the little–if you love Jesus–you absolutely need to be with someone who will spur you on toward continuing to love Jesus. If you couple yourself with someone who doesn’t care at all about honoring Christ in every part of your life, it will be exponentially more difficult to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith.
I think it’s worth mentioning here that not all five parts of this series will be related to the topic of dating. I do talk a lot about that subject (because I think it’s highly applicable to my target audience—the college student), but there will certainly be other categories I’ll cover in the days to come.
You can find the other parts of The 5 Things a Christian College Student Should Never Do here:
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.